Doer of hard things.
I hated myself.
I often looked at my body with disgust. I would pinch my fat on my body, close my eyes, and wish I was different. I couldn’t figure it out – WHY OH WHY could I not have the simplicity that my friends had? I turned to food, I turned to alcohol, and I started to turn into a life that wasn’t mine. I just wanted to feel ok in my skin.
I was coping.
Coping with my inability to say “no” to others, and to say “yes” to myself.
I flipped a switch, I changed my life on a dime.
I took control: of my food, my actions, my thoughts, everything.
I use to play the victim, but not any longer – This was my life, and I wasn’t going to spend another second hating something that I could change, something I could control.
I started to say “no” to things and people I should’ve said “no” to a long time ago.
I acted like my life depended on it, because it did.
My life was at risk – I was at risk.
At risk for being utterly unhappy and unforgiving with myself.
At risk for living an unfulfilling year -year after year – and calling it a “life”.
I was at risk of never achieving my goals and never reaching my potential.
It’s much easier to continue on doing the easy things.
I would’ve been so easy for me to stay on the path that I was on – but I was tired of being scared.
I claimed my life back.
I could’ve been stuck in self-hatred and stuck coping and blaming my life on my circumstances instead of taking control of my badassery.
You know what? I can think of a million things I’d rather do than feel uncomfortable in my skin.